An Easy Way To Become A Good Conversationalist

As I started to read this chapter, it reminded me of a statement made earlier, that could well be the theme of the entire book: “You can make more friends in a month by showing a genuine interest in them, than you can make in several years trying to make them interested in you.” To be interested in other people means that you listen to them when they talk; really listen to them, not just look at them as you formulate what the next words out of your mouth are going to be.

What you say during a conversation is just as important as your attentive listening, and can show that you really are listening closely by asking questions, or making comments, that demonstrate that you were picking up on the subtle nuances of their communication; but you can only do that by listening closely and attentively as they speak.

Of course it helps if you are fascinated by what the other person has to say, but even if you could not care less, it is just common courtesy to pay as close attention to a person that you are speaking with as possible. In this day of “telling it like it is,” and “being straight” with people, it is all too common to find people being discourteous when in the midst of a conversation.

There may be a time now and then when you may find yourself in a position of needing to politely excuse yourself from a conversation in order to find relief from a particularly uncomfortable situation; but even then there will usually be a way of doing it without needlessly offending the other party.

Most people enjoy talking about themselves, and if you conscientiously practice this skill, you will often be considered an excellent conversationalist, even when you hardly say a word during the entire conversation.

The paragraph that probably most illustrates the main point of this chapter says: “…if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.”

There is another side to good listening and that is good story telling; not necessarily made up stories, just stories that are embellished and told with real involvement by the speaker in a way that engages the listener(s). And in a true conversation, there will generally be a fairly equal exchange between those involved. There may also be times when you come across a person who is shy and introverted and you might not be able to draw them out, and would make them uncomfortable if you did; in those cases the polite thing to do would be to carry the conversation to them. But in most cases you will find that it pays to:

“Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.”